hurtful secrets
by jaureguixx
Summary: when mai moves to Oma Shu with her family she leaves her life in the fire nation behind until the war somehow, ends and her old flame prince zuko wants her back in the nation. a story about how mai continues to get her heart broken by the person she loves the most but manages to recover.
1. Chapter 1

**Hurtful Secrets**

 **prolouge  
**

In my early childhood i didn't learned such things as love, compassion or _emotions_. It wasn't ´´proper´´ for a young lady, of the fire nation to feel those emotions let alone express them. Emotions were waste of time, they weren't important they showed _weakness._ My parents were both high class nobels of the fire nation and therefore, couldn't afford some over emotional daughter so I simply hid them away, so far that it would never interfere and make me weak.

In my younger days I rarely felt joy, but when I did it was only because I was in the company, of the only friend I ever had another nobelman´s daughter Ty lee. And the prince of the nation prince zuko

Zuko was my first love, the one who taught me _how_ to love. He was the one who made sure I was loved. That my silly _emotions,_ actually mattered. He cared about me, the girl. To him it didn't matter what political strategies I could help him perform, or what high status I could assure him.

I loved him. _truly_ loved him I know he loved me as well, but what does _love_ mean when absolutely none of your actions back it up ? Nothing.

The problem is that for me our love meant everything, no matter how many times he would hurt me I would always stay, and wait for him to hurt me again.

until I of course i had enough

* * *

"Mai" my mother called "put on some nice, and clean robes and come down your father and I have something to tell you"

"yes mother" I replied. I sighed and closed the screen door behind me sixteen years old and they still wouldn't leave me alone its not like I want anything, from them besides space. I pulled out three of my favorite robes. I ended up choosing my crimson colored with black and gold details I took a quick shower put on my clothes and left my room.

When I came down there I was met by the stern expression of general Sadao.

I made a quick salute "nice to meet you again, sir" I said and bowed.

I sat down beside my mother with my hands neatly in my lap as a lady should. Pleased with my little show my mother took a sip of her tea, she whipped her mouth with a napkin and layed it oh so graceful on the table again, with a sweet smile that I for a fact know Is rehearsed she said "so" she started her voice sweet as honey "I believe you have some news for us general" she said. He nodded, the next thing he said seriously made me consider suicide "am happy to inform you that his majesty the fire lord has selected you as the governor of Oma Shu nobleman Yuichi"

Great, now I have to live in some backwards earth kingdom city, and I thought my life in the capital was dull.

"hurry up dear" my mother called, I wonder why mother isn't just a tiny bid sad that we are leaving the fire nation, but of course status and power meant more.

Father is ecstatic, finally all his hard work is getting noticed by lord Ozai, to him all those years he had to leave mother and I, for weeks even months would pay off. Yeah he was over the moon.

After i packed all my essentials belongings I left knowing that the servants would take care of the rest

I had to see ty lee and tell her about it, she was actually the only one I was going to miss.

Walking my way to ty lee´s house something hit me; this is probably the last time I will walk these streets for a very long time all of a sudden I am hit with some emotion am not familiar with. Yes I am definitely going to miss, Sozin.

"MAI" she exclaims and hugs me I can´t help, but wince at her sudden affection not that I don't like ty, but sometimes its just overstepping a line.

"ty lee, how are you" I say in very courtly voice if one didn't know one would´ve questioned my relationship to her or if I even liked the girl, only my soft smile at the end of my sentence made it clear that, yes this for fact is a very dear friend of mine someone, I consider a sister actually.

"come on in" she says and ushers me in. while we are walking to the garden I can´t help, but notice the severity of this home pictures after pictures showing their family´s greatness how much they've done for the nation and our fire lords through history. Sometimes it´s impossible to imagine ty lee being related to _any_ of these people she lives with. Ty is so kind and free spirited compared to her family who is more like mine.

"so" she says plumping down on the grass, I make a face as join her on the floor. This really is inappropriate.

"am moving" I said her grey eyes widen for a moment before, she asks me to repeat it "am moving" I say again my face showing no emotions at all.

"wow Mai, where" she ask eyes still slightly wide, "is it far away, like out of the nation"

"yeah" I say softly, I thought she would cry or something, "the fire lord chose my father as governor of Oma Shu"

"that's really far away, Mai" she whispers, eyes beginning to pool with water before, I know it she is pulling me in for a hug.

"have you told Azula" she asks, I knew she would ask about Azula of course she would. Why on earth would I tell Azula

"no, not really" I answer shrugging my shoulders "I haven't told Azula, besides she is the fire lords daughter she probably already knows''

"wha" she stops herself but I know what she is about to ask, oh I am painfully aware, she seems to be thinking about something then she asks again "what about him, Mai" I shrug my shoulders again

"he is not here, ty. .. besides we ended it long time ago"

"he won´t care you know" " I whisper she looks at me with pity, I stand up I don´t want pity from ty lee, or from anyone.

outside the gates, she hugs me again this time I hug her back I don't know when I will see her again, "bye Mai" she says through tears. This time I hug her she is a little startled, but recovers quickly

"bye ty, take care"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

2 years later

Am sitting in my room all by myself watching the sunrise, it´s barely up but I can´t sleep. It´s been like this for weeks now, mother of course believes that am homesick, and that I just need to " get used to the changes" I know better I for a fact know that's not _just_ it. Since we moved here things have been pretty hectic, let´s just say that our "welcoming" wasn´t nice witch of course is understandable. Who wants to live under the rule of a family, from the nation who have tormented the world for centuries? No one. Father's tactics I must admit are brutal sickening even, torture against the leaders of rebellion groups threats against their families a necessity in order to control them father would try to explain. I couldn't look at my father or talk to him for the first months. I truly hated myself for a long time.

"Your tea is read, my lady" Roya, my servant says in bored tone. Roya´s parents live in a village called Tsurui in the Akan district, she came here to live and basically start a life before we came and crushed the city, so to say that she hated me in the beginning is the biggest understatement ever made. She was a member of the rebellion group at that time, and since she was the only female and I needed a servant my father pardoned her.

"oh, thanks I didn't ask for tea" I say rather confused, but of course I won't let nice tea go to waste I take a long sip and look at her with a calm face, she looks back just as calmly

"if you wanted a little girls chat, you could've just come to me" I say taking a longer slip of my tea, enjoying the way it burns my throat all the way down to my stomach seeing her reaction I smile down in my cup. Roya is a very independent woman to say the least and she is not afraid to speak her mind. Not your average serving girl, and that's why I like her.

Before cracking a smile she says "oh, don't flatter yourself, lady Mai." "Your mother sent me" She says picking at her nails

"why?" I say through gritted teeth, seeing my reaction she smirks and continues

"since you've been so down lately your _mama_ thought I should bring you some tea and.. what was it she called oh _entertain_ you" smiling she says " I think she is just worried"

"why would she be _worried_ " I say narrowing my eyes dangerously at her

She looks at me, the corners of her mouth turning slightly upwards "well, I mean you _have_ been sulking in you room for a long time now" when a throw my pillow at her aiming for her head she just laughs and walks out with a " see you later, my lady"

I wake up slowly looking at out of my window; the sun isn't even up yet. How long have I been asleep? Rising from my bed I move towards my bathroom. I fill my bathtub with extremely hot water and basically burry myself under the water. After a nice wash-up, I put on a silk green rope and head down the stairs. As I expected everyone is a sleep, walking to the gardens I breathe in the night air just feeling the Breese blowing gently on my face. It is very peaceful night. No earth slaves being beaten and harassed or any fire nation soldiers leering at me. I sigh deeply and close my eyes enjoying the quiet atmosphere. Of course every little nice moment in my life _must_ be ruined.

"lady Mai?" a deep voice says from behind me I turn away from the statute of fire lord Ozai in time to see commander Etsuji walking towards me.

"Commander, Etsuji" I say bowing my head, Etsuji is the son of one of the most powerful generals in the fire nation. He is currently serving under my father, since we grew up together mother offered him a place in the main house _wonder why she did that_ I think bitterly, okay it might be polite since I grew up with him but knowing my mother and her ambitious plans of having me married of to someone rich, and powerful I quickly agree with myself on my first theory.

"it´s nice isn't it" he says gesturing to the statute, truth be told I haven't taken any time to really admire it, but from what I can see it looks kind of nice maybe a little bit too arrogant , but we are talking about fire lord Ozai here.

Instead of voicing my opinion out loud I just answer with a simple "yes"

we stay quit for a long time.

I glance up at him and notice something I haven't noticed before he is a quite handsome man and very tall.

Sensing my gaze he bends down so he is near my ear and whispers "walk whit me" I slowly nod and follow him around the garden we stop in front of a pond "do you miss home" he suddenly ask I shrug my shoulders "sometimes, do you?" now is his time to shrug "well, I guess sometimes"

"after cheng died, mother.. Changed" cheng was Etsuji older brother and heir to the Hasimoto family fortune. He was and extraordinary soldier and a quit nice guy I was saddened by his death. Trying to light up the mood I look back at with a playful smile "what about a girlfriend"

He only smiles at me shaking his head.

ignoring my question he says "come let me walk you back to your house" I nod and we walk in silence.

"what where you even thinking, Mai" my mother yells pacing the room angrily. When I got back last night it didn't go unnoticed and yeah mother was fuming she haven't done anything but scream at me the entire morning.

"Mai" father sighs rubbing his face with his hands and then looks up at me "we were really worried" i want to scream at them, tell them to mind their own damn business and leave me the hell alone they have no right absolutely NO right to treat me like some child. But instead I bow to my father then my mother "I apologise mother" "father, it won´t happen again"

after I get dismissed I go to my room. I stare at the wall in front of me for a while without thinking I throw a cup at the wall and watch it shatter.

I hate them.

I hate this place.

Mostly i hate myself.

Why couldn't I´ve been born to a nice _normal_ family why am I stuck as a member in a family that I obviously don't belong in?

I lay down on my back, and watch the sealing for a while before my door creaks open

Before the person announces them self, I know it´s Roya nobody would just barge in like that

"hey you ok?" she asks plumping down on my bed I roll over to face her. I run a hand through my hair and sigh

"sometimes…" I start "sometimes I really consider running away" I say. she chuckles.

I groan and turn away from her "nice to see that this is amusing to you" I flash her a weak smile

"aren't you being a tiny bit over dramatic" she says tilting her head slightly too the side

"they treat me like am some kind of, retard." At this she throws her head back and laughs. after a while she looks at me. Composing herself she says

"well you did run around last night, with that commander guy" " so what" I snap at her

" _so_ what did you do _"_ she asks with a twinkle in her eye, I groan into my pillow and glare at her

"are you crazy?" I ask

"Come on, he is a good looking guy and from what I hear. And a gentleman"

" _so_ did you get it on last night" she asks I can hear the laugh in her voice

"get out now right now" I all but scream at her. She flashes me another grin and walks to the door. Before she opens the door she stops, turns around and says "by the way"

"your mother is throwing a party for some noble family and you attendance is required"

I roll my eyes and nod.

After she left I slept and slept when I woke up the sun was almost going down

"shit"

I run to my closet and pull out a robe and a green and white kimono I lay it on my bed and run to my bathroom to take a quick shower. Adding some make up to my face I quickly dress and race out of the door. When I get the stairs I compose myself and walk slowly and gracefully

I bow to my parents, and sit to my father's left. As I expected this afternoon is boring as hell some snobby noble family promoting themselves the lady of the family gossiping with my mom about other noble women, and the men discussing political matters. I was about to take another sip of my wine, before I got a stern look from my father I sighed and put the cup down

"so" the woman starts, looking at me calculating.

Great I really hoped I would get ignored

"are you betrothed to anyone, lady Mai" she asks sipping at her drink, this woman seemed okay in the beginning, but now she is getting on my nerves, who the hell stars a conversation with a question like that?

"no, not yet" my mon chimes in. I restrain from rolling my eyes it was obvious that she was ashamed of the fact that I wasn't interested in any of her court friends sons

"but, why? Such a young beautiful lady as yourself shouldn't stay unmarried for too long"

Ignoring my desire to choke her I smile, and bow my head slightly "thank you miss"

she smiles and returns to her conversation with mother.

Not long after, the musicians mother had hired filled the dining room with music. Father offered mother his hand and she gladly accepted he led her to the center of the room and began dancing. Soon they were joined by the other couple.

I took the chance to finish my drink I got up, and walked to the window I stared for what felt like centuries, before a man with a long piece of paper came half running in.

"NOBLE MAN YUICHI NOBLE MAN YUICHI"

my father came to stand next to the strange man with a grim expression

"what is the meaning of this" my father says angrily

"th there is a letter from the fire lord, sir" he stammers. My father snatches the letter and reads it the his expression going from angry too utterly, shocked. My mom goes to stand next to my father her eyes going wide. Both of them look over at me.

Moms expression worried, dads unreadable.

curious I walk over.

"what is it" the other noble man asks

"read it out loud" the woman says "a letter from lord ozai how exiting" she shrieks clapping her hands together

My father moves his gaze from me and reads the letter outloud

 _generals, admirals' commanders and governors today a new fire lord has been crowned. His majesty fire lord zuko commands all fire nation troops and politicians outside land borders to return home immediately. foreign politics as one of his majesty´s key issues all governors will leave the villages and cities to the people and return back to the capital to discuss future actions._

 _Greetings palace secretary_

 _He is back_

my head is throbbing I carefully take the parchment from my father's hands, and read it. my eyes are starting to water I observe absentmindedly, my hands falls to my sides with the paper in my right one. I look away from my parents worried gazes

 _not again I can´t do this, I won´t let him put me through crap again._

Am I about to leave when the messenger suddenly pipes up

"uhm, there is a letter for the lady too" my father moves to take the letter, but before he is even near it i am out of the room with the paper.

am running as fast as I possibly can, by this time I don't even know where my shoes are no doubt mother will scowl me for that tomorrow. I slow down and sit by a tree unfolding the paper I take a deep breath, trying to control my unshed tear.

 _ **Mai**_

 _Mai how are you? it´s been a long time; I know we didn't part on the best terms, and I know that an apology won´t be enough. Am not so sure about many things regarding my life, but am certain that I want to be with you. When I left I tried to blame it on the war that there was no other way. I reasoned with myself, that if I broke things off between us. That you wouldn't be as affected as I were. All in all I hope we can talk about it when you return home. I miss you Mai a lot_

 _Zuko_

My tears are flooding freely now. I bring my knees to my chest and let it all out. If I see him I _will_ kill him. How dare he referee to my breakdown as "affected?" More like ruined me, broke me down. Made me believe _i_ did something. I rest my chin on my knees I know that he is _ordering,_ me to come back. it´s not just an invitation it is an order.

I walk back to the house, on my way to my room I hear my mom whisper

"what does he want with her" she whispers "didn't he _end_ things with her?" she asks

"I don't what he wants, but i won´t let him hurt her again" father says sternly a trace of the anger, from before evident in his voice. Mom sighs deeply

"he is the fire lord, there is nothing we can do" she says sadly "I hope.. I hope she will be alright"

 _me too_ I think to myself _me too_

 _what on earth do you want from me zuko?_


End file.
